A bit of factoidia before today’s ruminations:
The pain I live with has been constant for over 20 years. It also has steadily and progressively worsened over time. After the bad spinal fusion surgery (1984) it was characterized by sharp and burning pains in the scar tissue areas, occasional sciatica and an odd sensation in the feet, which then felt like cold,like the feeling you get when your feet have fallen asleep and are just beginning to return to normal.
Not long afterward (by 1986) the feet began to burn and ache,making standing and walking difficult. I somehow managed this without medication until 1995, but even then opted out of using opiates due to some bad experiences with them pre-surgery(Using tramad0l btw).
While I will write about how I broke through the negative cycle of chronic pain in a separate page, I wanted to introduce here my constant companion all these years — he is not the proverbial elephant in the room, no, he is my very own private rhinoceros on crack — and he’s everwhere I go.So, I’m always mindful to keep behaviors & thoughts which pacify him,and avoid things which stir him up — lest he trash my house for sure.
The last few days he’s been making so much racket that my sleep is short and filled with bad dreams. Mostly though he’s given me time to lay awake trying to think of anything besides the din he’s creating for me.
Which is how I came to ponder why on earth I’m writing this blog, to an audience of 1 (moi meme). I decided that I’ve let the busy-ness of my life and business take me from my habit of writing; writing anything, but writing often as I did most of my life. So…even if this blog is just a web-based journal, I decided I’ll keep it, as it somehow draws me to think aloud with my fingers on the keyboard more often. This is a good thing.
To live silently inside one’s head when in chronic pain is — for me at least, but probably for most in this condition — a bad idea. It feeds the natural biological tendency toward depression, a natural outcome of one’s mind & body fighting off the pain all day.
SO…perhaps others will join in here, or even just peruse OO’s obliqueness, but that’s fine either way. The writing itself is helping me cope. That is a good thing.
