Meds & side-effects

Started Celexa (citalopram) about 2months ago. After a month I could feel a real difference. The depression is not as heavy and am having less suicidal ideation (btw,I’ve had these since my post-surgery days, they are pretty much par for the course with cp (chronic pain), much as an overworked office worker fantasizes about being on a beach in Aruba, so someone in cp fantasizes about not having it any more; a big difference between that and visualizing how you’re going to do yourself in — that’s where the mental health pros start to get concerned; so, I’m fine with it, really).

But…not sure if it’s the heart medicine (Amiodarone 200mg/day) or the AmiodaronePLUS the Celexa. Am having tremors, hyper physical tension, involuntary movements and chattering of teeth. All those are listed for Amiodarone, but I didn’t have the chattering of teeth./tremor thing before the Celexa. Told the VA pscyh about it and she said I can lower the Celexa to 20mg (now 40). I’m waiting to see if it subsides and it actually seems to have lessened in the last 2 weeks.

I see that we have a few who have signed up here. Would love to hear from any one, helps me think that I’m not just talking to myself… :}

Thinking alot about the ‘chronic pain causation loop’ I like to call it. Think I’ll mull that over and post it here, as understanding that has been central to my survival (ie, being able to live a fairly full life) as a CP person.

Conjugation: Journal as a verb — Journal, Journals, Journaled

It occurred to me today that what I was feeling uncomfortable with in writing for this blog is the sense that doing this is self-indulgent, perhaps adolescent, maybe even narcissistic. The latter even more so when practically no one reads it. But after I wrote the earlier post it struck me that the very writing of it had indeed pulled me from a downward funk spiral. Just the act of writing was itself sort of therapeutic.

Of course, this is hardly news to me, to anyone that just talking can be cathartic (duh) After all, wasn’t I the same guy who used to train people who worked in mental health and high stress occupations on the benefits of what was called ‘Intensive Journalling’ (ref: Ira Progoff http://www.intensivejournal.org/. )Wasn’t I the so-called expert at communication in the helping professions, a big one for using communications skills to eke out inner process,or awareness of the same…yes, but that was in another lifetime ago. Easy enough to advise others, a different task entirely to apply such advice to one’s own life.

Nonetheless, in the spirit of metalogue(see Gregory Bateson) I’ve decide that I will consciously use 2 approaches to posts: One, make diary entries (ex: “It’s Monday, I got up at 9am with a bad headache, went to the mall…..note events); and then, usually separately, will ‘journal the events’, try to articulate more about my inner or spiritual process (to the extent I can be aware of or perceive such processes): (Ex: The headache I had at breakfast may be direct result of having too much salt in my food, as well as not doing my progressive relaxation exercises before falling asleep); the latter is more of a journal entry, the former a diary.

Maybe with this I’ll give myself permission to write more freely, not to worry abut the literary value of any of this — to write as un-self-consciously as possible — and syntax or style be damned. We’ll see.

Welcome new registrants…brief update(Pain level 8,Depression,[sa*lex*a]etc)

We’re pleased that a number of fellow sojourners have signed up here. We welcome contributions.

Been avoiding this blog because I’ve been in a deep depression. Started [sa*lex*a]10mg for a week, then 20mg for a month — then upped to 40mg a day. Side effects are pretty noticeable, but am not sure if they’re from the Celexa,or from the combination of Celexa and Amioh dar one ( a heart med which regulates heart rhythm — I have paroxysmal atrial fibrillation).

I have a noticeable tremor, nervous energy (almost at times like a chattering of my teeth) but the most unpleasant is the occasional involuntary jerking (spasm?) of large muscles. It’s worse at night or when I lie down to relax.

With the C*lex a I’m not seeing any help for the neuropathy (I did have hopes). Also, while the depression is somewhat better, still having dark & violent images near the end of the day when I’m tired from coping with the pain all day. A neurologist friend of mine is recommending [sim*bal*ta] or Lyrica (SSNRI as opposed to SSRI anti-depressants). Only problem is, I don’t think the VA pays for these relatively new drugs, and not sure I can either. But, maybe I can’t afford NOT to spend the $ to get some improvement to my inner pain.

Had a scare last week after I was mowing grass I got a searing bad pain (at least an 8 ) in the surgery site (about L3-5), much like I had in ‘86 when I was totally incapacitated. I tried heat — nothing, got worse. Then I went to bed & applied my microcurrent TENS all night and good part of the next day. The subsequent night I slept better and woke up with the pain back to almost ‘baseline’. The episodic pain gradually subsided over the next few days.This wasn not neuropat hic, but nerve-muscular. Whew.